What Is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation is the ability to control one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with a desired goal or outcome in mind. Research indicates that self-regulation is an important predictor of academic and social success. That makes sense. My experience is that people able to control their impulses, think beyond the present moment, and behave in a socially acceptable manner tend to navigate life with less chaos.

The ability to self-regulate is a valuable skill, but learning to manage impulses, make thoughtful choices, and learn from past mistakes takes time–and lots of real-world practice. Adults tend to expect more self-control from young children than those children are cognitively and physically able to muster.

This skill is generally acquired through trial and error while engaging with the world, observation of others, and adult guidance. It’s a skill that requires experience in the world and a lot of brain development. The process starts at birth, but two years later, most little humans are still convinced the whole world revolves around them. Toddlers are not known for their Stoic continence and self-control, yet it is often expected of them.

As they grow into preschoolers, their egocentric outlook fades a wee bit. They gain experience through interactions with adults and peers and become better self-regulators. They’re able to use this skill in a wider range of situations–they develop strategies for dealing with their emotions and urges as well as the larger world.

Individual biology and life experience play a role in the process, but by the age of 5 or 6, most children can self regulate most of the time. Adults should still have realistic expectations–and maybe pause and reflect on the limits of their personal self-control.

Child or adult, self-regulation can be improved with practice. Here are three ways early learning settings can help children hone this skill:

• Provide predictability and consistency–structure and routine, without rigidity, help children feel safe and secure
• Model self-regulation so children know what it looks like
• Provide a rich, stimulating, safe, and supportive play environment where children can practice self-regulation

Self-regulation is a well-researched topic. Notable figures in the field include:

• Albert Bandura— known for the development of the concept of self-efficacy, the belief that one can successfully complete a task or achieve a goal.
• Walter Mischel— known for his “marshmallow test,” in which he studied the ability of young children to delay gratification to receive a reward.
• Roy Baumeister— known for exploring the role of self-control in decision-making, goal pursuit, and emotion regulation
• Daniel Goleman— known for his work on emotional intelligence and its relationship to success

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