Quote

All praise is not equal. “You are a smart kid” is very different from “You worked so hard on that French homework; it must have felt really good to have done well on that assignment.” The first statement makes a judgment, and even if it seems like a positive and loving judgment, it has a negative effect on performance. “You are smart” judges and labels the person, not the product. If I tell my son that he’s smart, I’m telling him that I value him for being smart, and he’s going to be a lot less likely to try things that might damage his “smart” label, lest he fail, which, in his kid brain, could cause me to withdraw my love and approval. However, if I tell him that I am proud of him for the effort he put into editing the short story he wrote last week, I am reinforcing behavior, not judging him.

Quote ID: 03016

Author

Jessica Lahey

Source

The Gift Of Failure

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