I’ve said it. I know you have probably heard someone say it. Use your words. Young children probably don’t have a clue what this even means. They may know that you say it when they make a whining noise or when they hit someone instead of talking things through with them.

It has become a default saying for teachers, parents and caregivers that are tired or overwhelmed or maybe just are at a loss for what to say and do. They want to feel like they are doing something so they blurt out “use your words” and it is usually a sing songy teachery voice.

Guess what? Sometimes I didn’t know what to say either. But here is a trick that helped me remember the words to say: BEND AND SNAP… Not really but it helps to think of the steps in two parts. I have found that if you label the exact action you want them to take instead and tell them the exact words they can say, it will help the child know what you are expecting! And soon it will sink in. And the words become easier for them. And for you!

Step 1: BEND – what action do you want to see the child take? (You can say) (You can ask) (You can tell her) (Let them know) (You can tell me)

Step 2: SNAP – what are the exact words the child should say? “You can have a turn when I am all done.” “I didn’t like that”. “That made me sad”

Put it together: “You can tell me that you didn’t like that I tied your shoe for you. Go ahead – tell me that!”

By doing this you are acknowledging their emotions, getting them to pinpoint their own emotions and showing them how to advocate for themselves!

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