Parents and caregivers may find themselves puzzled when children engage in death play, even though such play fosters things like creativity, development of social and emotional skills and understanding, physical development, and cognitive growth. It’s challenging for many adults to get past the optics of little Asher lying in a cardboard box with his eyes closed and tongue sticking out to the side while Olivia and Violet pretend to cry and shovel dirt on top of him.

The aesthetics of death play can be unsettling; there is no doubt about it. There’s also no doubt that kids gravitate to such play for many developmentally appropriate reasons. Below, I’ll shed some light on 7 reasons play scenarios involving death are so popular.

Curiosity About The Unknown

Children are innately curious, and the concept of death is one of life’s most profound mysteries. After all, death comes for goldfish, flowers, grandmas, and other living things. Engaging in play that explores this theme allows children to venture into the unknown within the safe confines of their imagination. In doing so, they seek to unravel the mystery of death through scenarios that they can control and understand.

Coping With Loss And Change

Like I said above, death comes for us all, as do loss and change. Death, loss, and change are inevitable aspects of life, and children, like adults, grapple with these experiences. Death-themed play can serve as a therapeutic tool, enabling children to express and process emotions related to a loss they’ve experienced. It provides a medium for working through grief.

Such play also serves as an emotional inoculation that prepares children for future losses or changes. Playing out these unsettling scenarios is practice for coping with the real thing.

Exploring Power Dynamics

While playing, children experiment with power dynamics and societal roles. Engaging in death play allows children to experiment with power, control, and consequences. By adopting different roles, children gain a sense of agency, exploring the impact of their actions within the context of a fictional scenario.

Imitating Media And Cultural Influences

The media, popular culture, and daily life highly influence children. Their interest in death play may reflect what they encounter in books, movies, video games, television shows, and their everyday life.

The things children encounter in real life seep into their play. If three-year-old Parker spends hours every day playing superhero-themed video games, watching superhero-themed videos, and playing with superhero-themed toys, there’s a good chance superhero play, and the death play it usually includes, will be his preference.

Processing Fear And Anxiety

Death is a universal fear; even children experience anxiety related to mortality. Engaging in death play allows children to confront and process these fears within a safe setting they control. Through death play, they may develop a sense of mastery over their anxieties, build resilience, and improve emotional regulation skills.

Play that explores dark themes and strong emotions is emotionally intense. For some children, death play is a cathartic emotional release. Others may be amped up and need some energetic physical activity to discharge. Others may be emotionally drained and ready for a nap.

Fascination With The Circle Of Life

Children exhibit a natural fascination with the circle of life, and death is an integral part of this cycle. Death-themed play can be a way for children to explore the broader concepts of life, death, and rebirth. It allows them to create scenarios that reflect their understanding of the cyclical nature of existence, providing an opportunity to explore the interconnectedness of life and death.

If you observe children engaged in death play, you’ll often notice that they’ll include rules for returning to life. Maybe they need to stay dead for a certain length of time. Perhaps they need to wait for a few drops of magic potion. Possibly, Blake will run by and blast them with a Life Ray.

You may also notice while observing such play that a child may die as one character and then re-enter play a few moments later, reborn as another character.

Social Dynamics And Peer Influence

Play is inherently social, and children often mirror the interests and dynamics of peers. If death-themed play becomes a trend among friends, children may participate to feel a sense of belonging or alignment.

That said, real play is consensual. There should be no forced participation in death play or any other kind of play.

7 Reasons Kids Choose Death Play Wrap-Up

Understanding the myriad reasons behind children’s engagement in death-themed play may make it easier for adults to support such play, even though it may make them uneasy. This is much better than trying to ban this category of play. Prohibition never works. Outlawing such play doesn’t stop it; it just drives it into the shadows, where you are less likely to be able to monitor it effectively. You’ll find more about death play here.

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